Retrospection

Retrospection:

Pronunciation:

\ˌre-trə-ˈspek-shən\

Function:

noun

Date:

1674

: the act or process or an instance of surveying the past

Last night I had what I consider bad news. Maybe at some point I can see it as something more. My oldest niece signed away her right as a mother to her little girl. My younger niece's adoption went through. She is fifteen. I only recently learned of their whereabouts and their circumstances. The older niece (21 in Oct) is unreachable. She is addicted to drugs and I don't know where she is and she wants nothing to do with family. The fifteen year old niece doesn't know her father sought me out. She doesn't speak with her father anymore. So here I am in this situation where I don't seem to make a difference. A voice in my head says it's too early to make that judgment.

But what does one do when she is whisked back into a lost family? Once again the voice says, "Do what you do best. Write." How can writing help? I'm not sure. But what comes to mind are all the beautiful young women in my family, six total. Can I give them a path to follow, a suggested route, or is that too much to ask? Would my story in some way help, give them some map? These are questions that can only be answered by action. Write.

So, I look back into the past. I will survey the way one survey's land for a map. I will measure the distance from one year to the next. I will unearth the truth. My truth.